Managing Your Inner Toddler: Overcoming Procrastination and Self-Sabotage
I have a toddler that lives in my brain. I would say she’s a younger version of me, except this one can be an absolute hellion, and I was obviously a total angel growing up. She came out this morning just as I was sitting down to work. I looked at what I’d planned to do today, and she started throwing an absolute fit. “I don’t want to!” she screamed, crossing her little arms in front of her, even stomping her foot for effect. I looked back at my schedule, and it wasn’t even that bad. I had to zhuzh a lecture I’d given a million times for a different audience. I had to answer some specific emails. I wanted to write this post. I even have a break in the afternoon to go to a fun appointment (Supraorbital Beauty in Bea Rose Salon; my eyebrows have gotten out of control). But that toddler was not having it. “I don’t want to,” she pouted. “I’m tired and annoyed and don’t want to deal with any of it.” For a second, I thought I could just throw in the towel for the day (at 8:30am). What I must do won’t impact anyone but me if I don’t do it today. I could blow off writing the lecture; I wasn’t giving it for a few days. I could ignore those emails and even make it virtuous since I’m working on boundaries about constantly being in my inbox. I could put off writing this post because it’s “just” a New Year’s resolution to write once a week in 2024, and there are two more whole days in the week. I could even cancel my appointment to get my brows done; it’d be filled with a person from the waitlist in a second. I could lie on the couch and watch Netflix all day, and nobody would be any wiser.
Another New Year’s resolution has been to practice thought models more regularly. (If you need a primer on thought models, go here: https://www.burningbrightmd.com/blog/our-thoughts-work-until-they-dont)
Curious, I found the following:
C: My schedule for the day
T: “I’m tired and annoyed and don’t want to deal with any of it.”
F: Petulant
A: Huss fuss* and pout (and deplete my mental energy by doing so), waste time doing “productive” things that aren’t on my schedule for the day (checking my inbox, anyone?), slide into perfectionism (because if it’s not going to be perfect, it’s obviously not worth doing at all), miss the opportunity to practice self-kindness and compassion for my inner toddler (I’m 43 years old, and she seems to not be going anywhere, so we’re going to have to learn to co-exist), overlook giving myself credit for all of the things I’ve already done to be my best self today (I was on the treadmill at 6:30am this morning!), lose out on the opportunity to set myself up for success for the rest of the week (by then having to scurry to write that lecture, answer those emails, and manage my own brows which is easily an extra 10 minutes getting ready in the morning).
R: I don’t give myself credit for what I have done today while feeling like hell and putting my future self at a disadvantage.
That’s pretty inconvenient. And it’s all coming from a thought that still feels true even as I write this. I am tired. I am annoyed. And I don’t want to deal with any of it. The couch and a Netflix binge look really good right now. But I see the result that I’m going to get from this line of thinking, and I don’t want to screw myself over, either. So, somewhat reluctantly, I decided to manage my inner toddler.
I listened to her tantrum. And then I just closed my eyes and felt myself get really still. “Babe, I hear you,” I thought to myself. “You don’t feel great. But we’re going to do these things anyway.” Then she got really still. She kept those little arms crossed, but the rage drained from her face. She grumbled in the back of her throat and then, the wind out of her sails, said, “Fine.” And here we are. The first thing on my list was to get the slides for my lecture done, and I’d allotted an hour. I was done in 35 minutes. I’ve blocked off two hours to write this post, and I can feel it being done in under an hour. I’m on a trajectory to finish everything I need to do before my appointment this afternoon, so after that, I can just take the win and be done. I didn’t have to shout down my inner toddler or get myself from internal outbursts to determined motivation. I just had to acknowledge her and then do what my inner adult would do: do what makes the most sense even when it doesn’t feel great.
Besides, with all my extra time this afternoon, I can totally build a Lego.
*Huss fuss: Noun or Verb. A quiet, sulky, muttering hissy fit. “I told him that the microphone he wanted to use sounded awful, and he huss fussed the rest of the night.” Origin: My lovely husband, Mo.