CV of Failures
I cannot remember how Johannes Haushofer’s “CV of Failures” came into my inbox. I remember reading the headline, thinking it was interesting, and then saving the article “for some other time,” in true “TL;DR” fashion. Or maybe “Too Long to Read Now, Save For Later” (TLRN; SFL)?
Writing my CV of Failures took much more energy than reading the article (https://www.sciencealert.com/why-creating-a-cv-of-failures-is-good-Princeton-professor-viral). I read the article 2 or 3 times over about six months before I decided to lean into the discomfort of writing my CV of failures. Like Dr. Haushofer (currently a professor of economics at Stockholm University), I know my CV of failures is short not because I do not fail but more because I just cannot remember all of the times I’ve failed. In writing this, I found that many things I didn’t get weren’t because I was rejected by some entity considering my application but because I talked myself out of applying for them in the first place. The list of “Things I Took Myself Out of the Running for Because I Was Too Scared/Lacked Grit/Told Myself ‘It’s Not That Important’” would be much longer. Cue the inner critic. Cue the admonishing stern voice in my head. But maybe there’s another way to process what could have been. I can practice being patient and having some compassion for myself. I wonder what would happen if I went after more opportunities. It would probably mean more failures but would likely also mean more successes. And really, how scary can failures be if I can put them objectively into a professionally structured CV for all of the world to see?
Curriculum Vitae of Failures
Jessica Turnbull, M.D., M.A.
Current Title: Assistant Professor, Division of Pediatric Critical Care Medicine
EDUCATION:
7/2006 Did not match at my first or second choice for residency
LICENSURE AND CERTIFICATION:
Present Currently scoring ~ 66% correct on my optional MOCA-Peds for PCCM
ACADEMIC APPOINTMENTS:
2013 Wrote letters of inquiry to and was not offered interviews for faculty positions at Seattle Children’s Hospital, UC Davis Children’s Hospital, Randall Children’s Hospital, Phoenix Children’s Hospital, Lurie Children’s Hospital, Doernbecher Children’s Hospital, Comer Children’s Hospital, Cincinnati Children’s Hospital and Children’s Mercy Hospital and Clinics
PROFESSIONAL ACTIVITIES:
Intramural:
2013 – present Reliably attend ~ 60% of total meetings scheduled for each committee, task force, and workgroup
Extramural:
2013 – present Reliably attend ~ 20% of total meetings scheduled for each committee, task force, and workgroup
PUBLICATIONS AND PRESENTATIONS:
Articles: Have had manuscripts rejected by: JAMA A Piece of My Mind, NEJM Perspectives, Pediatric Critical Care Medicine, and Critical Care Medicine
Abstracts/Presentations: Have had submissions rejected by SCCM Critical Care Congress and AAHPM Annual Assembly
Invited Lectures:
National: Have not been organically invited to give grand rounds at peer institutions and have had to solicit invitations to present
There it is, my CV of failures. I remembered some of the failures quickly because I use them to reinforce my imposter thoughts, so they’re in my working memory more often. But I had to think hard to remember most of them. Even though I’m sure things are missing, I’m still relieved by how short it is. My professional failures being down on paper (electronic paper) makes them seem much less scary. So if my failures aren’t all that scary, what am I protecting myself from by not taking more chances? What am I protecting myself from by not submitting narrative pieces to big-time journals? What am I protecting myself from by not putting myself in the running for presenting on the national and international stage? How am I failing ahead of time, making my life smaller than it could be?
Take care.