Don’t You Dare Settle for Fine

My husband and I are re-binging the first two seasons in preparation for the new season of Ted Lasso being released. For the uninitiated, Roy Kent (played by Brett Goldstein) is an angry, foul-mouthed curmudgeon of a soccer player (ah, apologies, footballer) who (spoiler alert) turns out to have a massively huge heart. In one episode, the team's owner (Rebecca, played by the I-want-to-be-her-when-I-grow-up Hannah Waddingham) excitedly introduces the new man she’s dating to Roy (and his girlfriend Keeley, the fantastic Juno Temple). Keeley is lovingly supportive of the match, whereas Roy is initially quiet about it. When Rebecca presses him, Roy (shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders) says, “He’s fine. That’s it. Nothing wrong with that; most people are fine.” He then goes into a foul-mouthed, massively huge-hearted assessment of Rebecca that he finishes by saying, “Don’t you dare settle for fine.”

And then, the other day, I was listening to Jenna Kutucher’s “Goal Digger” podcast, and she was interviewing Mallory Ervin (episode 641). After telling her life story (that involves competing in the Miss America pageant and an addiction to prescription medications), Mallory said, “‘Fine’ is the new rock bottom.” She explained, “A lot of people wanna call rock bottom the absolute lowest, and that’s the rock bottom I hit at the beginning with the drug addiction. But the other rock bottom, and the tougher one I think to climb out of, is the one where you’re just living this mediocre life. You’re just existing in the middle. Your life isn’t bad, but it’s not good either.”

All this week, I’ve had two voices in my head: Mallory’s gentle Southern lilt saying, “‘Fine is the new rock bottom,” and Roy’s gruff British charge to Hannah, “Don’t you dare settle for fine.”

Let’s suspend the voices in our heads that ask, “Who are you not to be happy with this life? You make a great living; how ungrateful are you?” Those thoughts are not helpful. When I indulge in them, I feel bad for feeling bad, which does not solve anything.

Take five minutes and ask yourself what parts of your life are “fine.” Now, take the things that are “fine” and yourself: “Which are okay being ‘fine,’ and which ones disappoint me that they’re only ‘fine’?” My cooking skills are fine, and I’m entirely okay with that. My muscle tone and flexibility are fine, but thinking about that disappoints me. When I had a regular yoga practice, I didn’t have as many aches and pains when I got out of bed in the morning. That’s a “fine” I don’t want to settle for anymore. As soon as I wrap up these thoughts, I’m going to the websites of my favorite yoga and pilates studios and scheduling some classes.

“Fine” is the new rock bottom. And we shouldn’t dare settle for “fine.”