Ditching the Dopamine Hits: How to Break Free from Buffering and Face Challenges Head-On

We all have routines, little systems that make life smoother. One of mine involves Apple Maps, a trusty sidekick for my directionally challenged brain. My lovely partner sometimes seems annoyed when I tee up the app while we’re going somewhere so routine that my lousy sense of direction should be a moot point.  I do it anyway, get directed around a massive traffic jam on our usually-taken route, and then feel smug that my way of doing things was (obviously) the right one.  But what happens when our well-oiled systems fail us, especially when life throws curveballs?  That’s when, as James Clear writes in his book Atomic Habits, “You do not rise to the level of your goals.  You fall to the level of your systems.” 

Lately, my system for dealing with the unexpected has involved a mix of overwhelm, catastrophizing, and numbing out with unhealthy habits. It's a vicious cycle, a pattern of buffering negative emotions with quick fixes that ultimately leave me feeling worse.

What is buffering? It's any action we take to escape discomfort, a temporary band-aid that masks the real problem. It might be an extra glass of wine, a shopping spree, constant scrolling, TV binge-watching, or overworking. Initially, these things are used for coping and a momentary escape.  But, once they become systems, they can have negative consequences that derail our health, finances, and emotional well-being. 

The urge to buffer stems from societal pressure to be constantly happy and continuously successful. When we face challenges, we feel inadequate and seek out dopamine surges to avoid those uncomfortable feelings. But here's the truth: if we’re living our best lives, it’s actually unavoidable to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or even heartbroken sometimes.  With the good comes the bad; it’s inescapable.   

It's time to ditch the buffering and build a healthier system for facing challenges. For me, this means replacing the urge to buffer with mindful, deep breaths that activate my vagus nerve, acknowledging my overwhelm instead of ignoring it and giving myself a pep talk through the challenging moments. It also means accepting that overwhelm is a momentary feeling, not a guaranteed destiny.

So, what are your go-to buffers? When do you find yourself reaching for them? Is it time to stop the quick fixes and create a system that genuinely supports your well-being? Remember, it's okay to struggle, but you do not have to let the struggle control you.