From Workmates to Tenured Friends: The Power of Workplace Relationships
Who’s your work best friend? Or, better yet, do you have any tenured friends? “Tenured friend” apparently came to us from TikTok and is “someone who’s pretty much guaranteed to be in your life forever” and that “you’ve known for ages and, while you may have the occasional fight or falling out…you always come back to each other.” As it’s now outgrown TikTok and gotten to news sources I actually read, the term will probably reach cheugy status in short order. Tenured friends tend to be somebody you’ve known since childhood but don’t have to be. I count the friendships I forged during my medical training as some of my deepest relationships, though they took a remarkably short time to develop. I think there was something about the magnitude of what we were going through that prompted us to find our best support systems quickly. And the best way to have a loyal friend is to be a loyal friend when times are tough. Reflecting on my group of friends at work, I recognize we may not be in each others’ lives “forever,” especially as we’re going through some faculty shuffling as I write this. But, even those who’ve left the places I am, or those who stayed in the places I’ve left, have the quality of immediate and easy familiarity the next time we see each other. Even if it’s been years. How many surprised, joyful bear hugs do you see being given in the exhibition halls of national meetings?
I’m reflecting on tenured friends because I’ve just found a study from 2021 in which the team-building company Wildgoose found that “57% of people say having a best friend in the workplace makes work more enjoyable, 22% feel more productive with friends, and 21% say friendship makes them more creative.” According to Business News Daily, businesses where employees say they have friends have lower turnover than businesses whose employees can’t say the same. Workplace friendships provide us with a social life at work, so the feeling of work-life balance doesn’t feel so out of whack. Workplace friendships can also offer social support for when life outside of work gets complicated: two of my colleagues, whom I consider to be tenured friends of mine, found they were pregnant at the same time and hired a nanny to share, creating a work-life village in which to raise their boys. Lastly, having a best friend at work increases job satisfaction and reduces the risk of burnout.
I’m the co-chair of my hospital’s Wellness Committee and spend all sorts of time thinking about ways to reduce my colleagues' burnout. Since the pandemic, all hospitals have learned that providing yoga classes and telling people to meditate hasn’t fixed the problem. It seems one part of fixing burnout is as simple as finding your work person, having a best friend. If your first thought reading this is, “I don’t have time to have a best friend at work,” I will push back. In medicine, what we don’t have in time, we do have in magnitude. I’ve written this piece with all of my work best friends in mind; I know I’m very lucky to have several of them.
Who’s your work best friend? Among all the titles in academic medicine, who are your tenured friends? Answering that question may just give you a more fulfilling career. Consider forwarding this on to your work best friends with one simple addition from you: “I’m grateful to have you as my friend.”