The Art of Acceptance: Letting Go of Arguments with Reality

I argue with reality.  Not in an interacting with hallucinations sort of way, but in a much more insidious “It shouldn’t be this way” kind of way.  I’m getting dozens of texts from political organizations daily, and it’s only May.  It shouldn’t be this way.  Measles is a thing again.  It shouldn’t be this way.  My waistband is tighter than it was last week.  It definitely should not be that way.  What feels like a mere statement of fact can do a lot damage.  Walk with me through a scenario: parking at my hospital.

I used to be able to leave my home at 630am and slide into a parking spot by 650am, giving me a leisurely 10 minutes to make it to PICU for morning sign-out.  Over the past few months, however, leaving at 630am meant making it to the front entryway of the garage by 655am.  Unless everything else went perfectly, there was no way I would be on time for sign-out.  I left my house at 615am and knew things would improve.  When I turned onto the street taking me to the garage, I had to slam on my brakes because the line of traffic from the garage was backed up the block.  It was 645am.  I was seething.  I’d planned appropriately. I’d made more time!  Why was traffic this bad?!  It shouldn’t be this way!  I inched forward in traffic, inwardly raging and catastrophizing about being late.  When I reached the garage, I tailgated the car in front of me to a spot and parked like a total jerk.  I slid into sign out at 705am, interrupting with my loud apologies and bemoaning the state of the garage.

The next day, I left my house at 610am.  At 635am?  Slamming on my brakes after turning onto the street leading to the garage.  “It shouldn’t be like this!” my brain screamed.  And then, a quieter voice in my head: “But Jess.  It is like this.”  I had been arguing with reality.  I was using my thoughts, my emotions, and all my energy to push against something unyielding and solid.  Reality doesn’t budge.  The problem with arguing with the new reality of the parking at my hospital is that I was driving myself crazy, not actually changing anything about the situation, getting into work stressed out and short-tempered while acting in a way that made other people’s lives difficult (apologies to the person I was tailgating and the poor soul I parked next to who probably had to shimmy sideways to get to their driver’s side door).  When I accepted reality, my brain was open to problem-solving for the things I did have control over.  I made my morning getting-ready routine quicker.  I made my Starbucks practice shorter.  I prepared myself for the turn onto the street leading to the garage and didn’t let myself be surprised by the line of cars.  I experimented and made tweaks the rest of the week until I got my leisurely 10-minute walk to the PICU for sign-out back.  I started meeting my colleagues calmly and with Starbucks in hand five minutes early.  It felt amazing.