The "Nope" Days: A Guide to Flaking Out Without Freaking Out
We've all been there. The alarm screams, and your first thought is a resounding "Nope." Not angry, not frustrated, just...nope. Your body and brain have hit the wall, and tackling your to-do list feels like climbing a mountain in flip-flops.
For women physicians, these "nope" days can feel especially fraught. We're conditioned to be caregivers, push through exhaustion, and be a rock for everyone else. But what happens when the rock cracks?
The Flake-Out Spiral
Every few months, my urge to flake out becomes too strong to overcome. Mine always come on non-clinical days, probably because my adrenals get me through ICU shifts. My flaky days can trigger a whirlwind of guilt and self-criticism. Jeff Warren, meditation teacher and founder of The Consciousness Explorer’s Club, describes low energy times as two-pronged. First, the brain and body have low energy. Second, the mind laments that it’s going to feel this way forever, and everything is going to get screwed up because of it (and then our inner critics chime in with the usual unhelpful commentary like, "Why can't you just power through like you always do?" and “Why can’t you just get it together?!”)
This internal drama only amplifies our exhaustion. Truthfully, these "nope" days are often our body's way of waving a giant red flag, begging for a time-out.
Embrace the "Nope"
Instead of battling your brain and body, try a different approach:
1. Silence the Inner Critic: Recognize those catastrophic thoughts and self-criticisms for what they are – unhelpful noise. You've survived these days before; your career and relationships won't implode because you need a break.
2. Acknowledge Your Exhaustion: Look back at your schedule. Have you been pushing yourself relentlessly? Are you post-call, grappling with the ever-increasing recovery time that comes with age and experience? Give yourself credit for all you do and acknowledge the need for downtime. It’s physiology, not weakness.
3. Flake with Grace: Send those "I'm so sorry" texts and emails, reschedule what you can, and let go of the rest. Permit yourself to embrace the low energy, guilt-free.
The Power of the Pause
Think of these "nope" days as a necessary reset, a chance for your body and mind to recharge. Maybe your brain is brewing some brilliant new ideas in the background, or it's simply restoring itself for the challenges ahead.
As Jake Knapp and John Zeratsky, authors of Make Time, suggest, "Flake it till you make it." It's not about abandoning all responsibilities but recognizing that sometimes, saying "no" is the best way to say "yes" to your own well-being.
So, the next time a "nope" day hits, remember this: You're not a failure; you're a human being. Give yourself the grace to rest, recharge, and come back stronger.