What To Do When You Just Don’t Know
Sometimes, my brain is entirely unhelpful when facing difficult decisions. At work, it could be, “Do I intubate the patient or give them more time to see if that last 20 minutes of airway clearance zhuzh is actually going to help?” At home, it’s usually, “What do I want for dinner?” Given our current political climate, the entire world seems to be built by difficult decisions. I’m on call as I write this, and the votes in our presidential election are being counted. What am I going to do if my candidate doesn’t win? I. Just. Don’t. Know.
Worse than being unhelpful, letting my brain answer a question with “I don’t know” creates open loops that send me reeling down an anxiety rabbit hole. What am I going to do if my candidate doesn’t win? How will I handle holidays with my family members who voted for the other person? What will I do if they tease me for who I voted for? How am I going to manage my eating on those holidays, by the way? Maybe it’s too much to watch my weight this time of year; should I just give up and start again on New Year’s Day? What will I wear to holiday parties if my clothes from last year don’t fit? Do I even want to go to holiday parties this year? What will people think of me if I don’t go to holiday parties? On and on and on…
Nothing’s gone wrong when our brains think they can’t come up with answers to complex questions. Evolution has designed us to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and save energy. In trying to make a decision and coming up with “I don’t know,” our brains are simply keeping us in the present (which is known and that is its own kind of pleasure), protecting us from the harm that may come by making a decision that takes us out of the present, and preserving its energy in case a super duper complicated decision needs to be made some other time.
But we are evolved enough to push back on evolution when it is not serving us. One trick to stop the looping is not to take “I don’t know” for an answer. We’re intelligent people, and we’ve figured out many complicated things. Let’s take that reality as data that we can figure out other complex things. When your brain offers the answer “I don’t know,” just ask back, “Well, if you did know, what would the answer be?” What happens if my candidate doesn’t win the election? I’ll get up and go to work the next day. And then, just take a guess: what will you do next? I’ll donate to the charities I think will do the most good during that President’s term. It's crucial not to accept 'I don't know' as a final answer but to push forward with determination and intelligence.
How will I handle holidays with a politically divided family? I will love them despite our differences, as I know they would me had my candidate won. Should I hold off on losing weight until January 1st? Ugh, if I do that, I’ll weigh twenty pounds more than I do now and will have to take that off before I even get my current weight off!
Our brains have been designed to answer questions. If you don’t find a workable answer to the questions it’s asking, it will just ask question after question until it finds something it can settle on (and who knows what that will be). Try it. The next time you hear yourself asking, “What am I going to do?” don’t take “I don’t know” as an answer. Guessing turns into brainstorming, which turns into actions and plans. And when you do find a workable answer, the relief is palpable, and you can move forward confidently.
What are you going to do today? If you did know, what would the answer be?